An Open Letter to American Liberals

My Dear Comrades,

As a strawman liberal, I feel the following needs to be said.

Truly, in this Post-9/11 world, it has be difficult to be a tax-and-spend, cut-and-run, america-hating liberal. Oh certainly, we have had some minor victories in promoting our homosexual agenda, as witnessed in the recent outbreak of municipal gay marriages. But whatever minor victories we have accomplished there are now offset by Bill O'Reilly's counter-offensive on our War Against Christmas. Moreover, the current trends in the Supreme Court, and various Boards of Education, seem likely to threaten all of our successes over the last 50 years in turning America away from God, and towards glorious atheism. I have watched with woe and terror as the blog-centric juggernaut Pajamas Media/Open Source Media/OSM/Pajamas Media succeeds in prying free the stranglehold our Liberal Media Empire has had on delivering news to the proletariat.

But, on this Thanksgiving Day, I urge you to look instead towards all the things we have to be thankful for, and rejoice.

We seem to have derailed the Right's attempt to save Social Security, for the time being. In the foreseeable future, there is little worry that the masses will be able to stand on their own without seeking handouts from the government. Our activist judges are working diligently to legislate from the benches of federal courts throughout the land. And our insidious tactics of presenting the reality-based objective-truth have steadily succeeded in turning public opinion against the hated Bush Administration.

As icing on the cake, we learn today that the hated Right-Wing Power Couple of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have officially split. Truly, there is much to be thankful for.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I remind you all of these successes, and urge you to be thankful.

To you all, according to your need, from me, according to my ability,

Comrade mergenow